THE ONLY LOVE THAT MATTERS

“The love you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” ~Jane Travis

Original Love

We all want to be loved. From a very young age we know how wonderful it feels to be loved, and so we give and receive love freely.

We love unconditionally.

But as we get older, for a lot of people love changes. It becomes a tool, a tool for controlling behaviour. When a child misbehaves, we might withhold our love until that behaviour is changed. As we get older again, we withhold our love from a partner in order to get our partner’s behaviour to change.

When I was a kid I wanted nothing more than to please my parents. Then, I wanted to please my teachers. In fact, I wanted to please EVERYONE. And I wanted this so badly that just the thought of someone being unhappy with me would have my stomach in knots for hours.

We learn to love conditionally.

And as we learn to love conditionally, as we withhold our love from others, and they withhold theirs from us, so we learn to withhold it from ourselves.

We forget how to love freely. We forget that we were born to love freely.

What Does This Mean?

We learn how to behave in order to receive love. We learn what to say, what to think, what to believe. We say yes when we mean no, to get someone’s love. We stay in relationships that are not fulfilling, to keep getting love. We pretend to be someone we are not, in order to get more love.

Why?

Because we were never taught to love ourselves FIRST. We were never taught that we are enough.

When you love yourself first, you KNOW that you count, you KNOW that you are ok, you are enough. You know that you are perfect just the way you are. You know that you already have everything you could possibly need.

You can learn and grow and better yourself if you choose, but you are already enough, just the way you are.

When we don’t love ourselves first, we seek validation through the love of others. But the love we receive when we are ‘being someone else’ will never fulfill us. On the deepest level, we all know this.

We fear being alone, but there is nothing as lonely as being around people who think we are someone else.

Show Up Fully

When we show up fully and authentically we risk being rejected, but this rejection is superficial. When we love ourselves first, our self-worth remains intact in the face of external rejection. We may not like it, but we also don’t crumble under it.

So when you know this, you do not have to seek it from other people. You don’t need their validation, because you have your own.

When you are not dependent on the approval of others YOU ARE FREE. You are free to give and receive love deeply and authentically.

Relationships Are Deeper

When you love yourself first, you interact with others from the heart. It is easier and more natural for you to show your true self.

As you learn to love yourself more, you will also find that you have more love to give. A feeling of fulfillment rises from within, and the channels of love are free to flow in all directions.

Now Is The Time

Don’t wait until you have fixed all of your flaws. Don’t wait until you become ‘perfect’ to love yourself. True self-love is unconditional. Love yourself NOW, flaws and all. As human beings we are all flawed, we are all a work in progress. Beauty is not in some perceived notion of perfection. Beauty is in our soul.